Have You Heard The One About President Bush?
#1. A traveling businessman walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few sips, the businessman looks up, sees President Bush on the television, and yells: “Now there’s the biggest horse’s ass I’ve ever seen!” A customer walks over to the businessman and slugs him. The businessman stands, brushes himself off, and sits […]
21 Lists
Sex is Like Pizza Because . . . . . . it’s always brought to my house by a teenager or a foreigner in 30 minutes or less. . . . my penis looks like a pepperoni stick. . . . napkins are needed. . . . it always goes a little better with coke. […]
Outsourcing My Love
Dearest, Most Wonderful Darling: I write this letter with all the hope of Vishnu and all the essence of Brahma in pronouncing that today is the very best day in the history of the entire universe! That is how much I think today is the best day in forever and ever! Ekam sat, virprarh buadha […]
The Three Laws of Robotics According to Isaac Asimov, Plus Twenty-Four According to Me
1. A robot may not injure a human being. 2. A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law. 3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law. 4. A robot may not grow […]
74 Things That Aren’t “Better Than Nothing”
A belated birthday “high five” from your boss Air mattresses Spending Thanksgiving at a restaurant that doesn’t take reservations A handshake from Sly Stallone Body pillows Complimentary continental breakfasts A cross-country drive, with only the musings of Larry the Cable Guy as company Dry-humpin’ your old lady Your proficiency with the tambourine “Destination” weddings Anything […]
Jesus’ Bar Mitzvah
Game Show Catchphrases That Never Quite Caught On
“So . . . do you want to lick it, pump it, or tickle it?” “What do you want to do about the snake? Would you like to buy it for two hundred dollars or would you like to pay a little extra for the raccoon that looks like it could or could not be […]
Today’s Most Funniest Movie Bloopers
Look closely at some of today’s hit movies. How could these multimillionaire Hollywood bigshots be so careless? A few examples: “The Story of Us” In the suburban household where Katie and Ben Jordan (Michelle Pfeiffer, Bruce Willis) live with their two teenage children, a delivery man emerges in a key scene wearing a black leather […]
THE ZAPRUDER FILM: THE NOVELIZATION
Based on a True Story! PHOTO CAPTIONS #1. Beverly Oliver, the Babushka lady, and Abraham Zapruder discuss their burgeoning relationship’s inevitable growing pains. #2. Jacqueline Kennedy and J. Edgar Hoover stand on the grassy knoll: “Mr. Hoover, I will do everything in my power to prevent your wrecking-ball from tearing down the Children’s Community Center.” #3. Carlos Marcello […]
Loved the Following Jokes And Thought You’d Love Them As Well! Pass Them On!
1. Two women are playing golf. The first tees off and watches in horror as her ball heads directly at a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hits one of the men, and he immediately clasps his hands together at his crotch, falls to the ground, and proceeds to roll around […]
