My Name Is Smokey
Whoops!
To: All Staff 9:12 AM Subject: Whoops, Sorry About That Last E-Mail! I’d just like to apologize for the last e-mail, which I sent to “All Staff.” I meant to send it to my friend Alex Stafford. It was a mistake. Sorry. To: All Staff 10:14 AM Subject: Clarification on Apology E-Mail! I want to […]
NPR FAN FICTION: Escape from the Zombies in the Village by the Potomac
Terry Gross was not having a good day. She had failed to find any food beyond the Safe Zone perimeter. And then she had been unable to locate a new well for fresh drinking water. She had, however, managed to shower nude beneath a wondrous waterfall. She had also pleasured herself as birds and other […]
The Donald Trump Presidential Library
Jennifer Benson’s UFO Abductee Blog
Hey, it’s Jen! So let’s get right to it. As you all know, I’ve been abducted at least once a week for the past twenty-odd years and yet . . . I can NEVER remember the process being so ridiculously aggravating! Last night, aliens awoke me, as usual, at 3 am. They were all standing […]
Justin Bieber’s Life for the Next 35 Years!
March 6, 2014 . . . Drag races his souped-up Segway straight off the Santa Monica Pier. “Exhaustion” is blamed. Also, “a ton of very powerful illegal drugs.” January 14, 2015 . . . Quickly balloons to a massive 450 pounds due to a steady diet of Jamaican beef patties and diet Dr Pepper. Pens his first […]
Just a Friendly Robocall
Hi there. I hope I am not disturbing your dinner. This is Arnold Landis, calling to discuss a most crucial choice you’re going to have to make this upcoming November. You know what’s meant a lot to me? All of those times we attended each other’s birthday parties, back-yard barbecues, and watching each other’s kids […]
Bootleg Mike’s “Rare-Shit Forgotten Video Boots”!
Hi, it’s been one LONG month since I last spoke with y’all, but WHAT a month!!!! I took a short trip to King’s Dominion with my new Elvin lover Amy (don’t worry, she’s also a HUGE fan of Brimstone & Treacle!), and then had a minor procedure done to my neck. But all is well and […]
2012 Summer Music Festival Guide!
Written by The Pleasure Syndicate (Scott Jacobson, Todd Levin, Mike Sacks, Ted Travelstead) #1. Big Blind Ben’s “Back to the Land Bluegrass & Old-Timey Festival,” Staples Parking Lot, Poolesville, Maryland, August 10-12 (3-day pass, $225 / VIP pass, $495) This will be the fourth exciting year for the annual Big Blind Ben’s “Back to the Land Bluegrass […]
Condo President-for-Life
It is with bottomless grief and unquenchable sorrow that I announce the following: My dear father, the noble Mr. Anthony Walsh, beloved president of this condominium building for more than twenty-five years, friend to all, savior to many, has passed away while attending to the matters and needs of the denizens who populate his adored […]
